Just give me a horse and buggy, please!

This crazy poem started forming in my mind yesterday when I found out that a simple gas leakage problem on my car was going to cost over $500 to fix. Aaargh!!! And on an old '92 car that boasts the fact of having a smidgen over 261,000 miles on it, I really couldn't see how this was going to be worth that much.

Today however, my personal mechanic, Ryan (every church body needs to be blessed with a mechanic willing to help us 'less fortunate ones' out) came by and discovered that the whole issue was caused by a teensie-weensie plug at the end of the gas line. Who would've known!! And folks, did I ever rejoice when I learned that this "$500-going-to-make-me-go-crazy-by-paying-all-this-money" problem turned out to be a mere $13 issue that was solved in a couple of hours! God be praised!

So as it turns out, I really have no need to be complaining about my car and its ability to transport me from point A to point B, but I was on a roll with this poem so decided to finish letting the funny play of words spill out of my brain. Hopefully ya'll will enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed composing it!

(And if you're wondering, I had not originally planned for this poem to be sooooo long! But now that's completed, you can rest assured that I have no frustration left in me...it all came out here!!!)

JUST GIVE ME A HORSE AND BUGGY, PLEASE!

Just give me a horse and buggy, please
And oh, this mind will be set at ease!
Never mind the poop, the saddles, the feed
All I want is a good, honest steed.

For in the past, say...'bout half a year
My tin can on wheels has been acting quite queer.
From exhaust pipes and gas lines
To speakers and gas gauges
The battle 'tween checkbook and car
Still heavily rages.

Just give me a horse and buggy, please
I'm really not picky and won't complain about fleas.
And tho it'll take me longer than ever
To hook 'em on up and drive 'em wherever,
I really do think it'll get rid of some care
Despite the crowds that will stop and stare.

I'm getting so frustrated; my complexion is falling
Next thing you know, my car will be stalling!!
'Twas frightening enough when the exhaust did fall
For on the Name of the Lord this handmaiden did call.
"Help, dear Jesus..." I loudly did shriek!
As I shut off the car and bent down for a peek.

And there I saw a pipe hanging low
But what it was, I surely didn't know.
For in my state of utmost fright
All I knew was that this was a terrible plight!
So back in my car I bravely did go
And traveled back home at a pace quite slow.

And all the while I sobbed and I prayed...

Just give me horse and buggy, please!
I'll take good care of it and won't mind being teased.
Anything...anything has got to be better
Than having breakdowns in such inopportune weather!

Really God, I'm serious...I do want a horse!
Throw in the buggy, the hay, the work...
I'll take it all, of course!
For anything...anything has got to be
Better than what this old car is for me!

Have I yet mentioned the times...oh, those scary, scary times!
When my heart doth hard pound and my blood pressure doth climb?
When on the occasion, though rare yet so real
That my car actually stops and nothing works...not one wheel?!

And upon close and frantic investigation
It is found that this is not some awful infestation.
But rather the irking, frustrating news
That the tank has gone dry...
It will not creep, much less cruise!

So what do you think this blue-eyed girl does
Right there in the street, with a tank that is dry?
She looks up to the Heavens and after a sniffle or two,
She lets it all go and has a good cry.

The first time this happened,
'Twas quite embarrassing
For low and behold the fault was found to be
The result of her blondness and being naive!

Now for all those wondering and laughing out loud,
I must tell you where the root of this fault is found.
My gas gauge is broke; it just won't calculate!
So with paper and pencil I must speculate.
And with my math skills,
I'm lucky for the days I can count past 28!!!

And as for the other few times this plight has occured,
I'd like ya'll to see here on this poetic record
That it really wasn't my fault...please believe me, it's true!
But the gas just leaks out, and I can prove it does, too!

For out in front of my house where I park this tin can
You can find small puddles that are not made by man,
But rather by the constant 'drip-drip' of a liquid almost tan.
(And oh dear, this poem is getting quite out of hand!)

So where was I? What was my plea?
Oh yes! I was asking for a horse and buggy!
Which I still think would be awfully nice
Despite the barn that would soon fill with hay and with mice.

But all that would I be willing to oversee,
If I can only but have a horse and buggy...
Please...please?!